The One Reason You Don't Want Praise From Others

The One Reason Why You Don’t Want Praise From Others

“Mum, did I do a good job?”

Before I was going to answer with the regular, half present “yes, you did”, I replied: “do you feel like you did a good job?”

Just before we had our teacher-student review my son expressed his anxiety: not sure if he did a good job. When we sat down in the classroom, and just before presenting his achievements he started scratching his arms (nervousness increasing).

The teacher told us he caught up to a year 4 level at the start of year 5. Coming from a year 2 level at the start of year 4.

He, the teachers, and all others who support him did a great job.

You see, most of us will run on external validation: we want to know if we did a great job.

But here is the thing: if you haven’t learned how to validate yourself first, you will always rely on validation from others.

When you don’t get praised, you think something is wrong with you if you don’t get it next time. And you will keep chasing it.

If you don’t reach your goals, you think you’re a failure.
One of THE recipes for burnout to name one.

Don’t attach yourself to your goals.
Goals are just directions.

My son replied he felt like he did a great job.
I said: if you are satisfied with what you’ve put in, I think you did an awesome job too.
Self-validate first, before validation from others.